I’m turning the dumping ground that is “my” room into a sitting room that will house my romance novels, education library, and electronics. Anything I don’t recognize or remember purchasing, I will look at as an exciting find rather than a distressing sign of ECT-induced damage (I can’t consider myself a victim of the ECT – it was a life-saving decision and I am getting some memories back and am not losing new memories… but that’s a whole other discussion). So what do I need to do sort through my past and reclaim My Room?

STAGE 1: Sorta Majora
I will go through everything that is all over the floor and my desk and put them in distinct areas.

1. Sewing and Knitting Materials – on top of the table, which against the wall and directly in front of the entrance
2. Clothing - back corner facing the door, behind the table, on top of an unexplored box that I believe holds some clothing.
3. Job-Acquisition Materials - in the top-most clear drawer(s), which is in front of the window, between the chair and the bookcase, diagonal from the door
4. Student work – in the bottom most clear drawer(s)
5. Random papers - in the cardboard perpendicular-sorting boxes on top of the drawers
6. Toys, Teaching Manipulatives, and Electronics - into a clear bin outside the room

STAGE 2: Sortae Minora
Once the mess is generally sorted into groups, I can start to find places for items.  The table can be removed from the room and put into the hallway (folded) or look like a desk in the guest room until we can move it downstairs so it can be a major part of the rec room in the basement.

1. Sewing and Knitting Materials all go into the bins that are in the basement, if there’s room, or into new bins (which are on sale at the supermarket or all over Target).
2. Clothing must be sorted into smaller groups and put away. If it fits and can be worn now, I need to find a place for it in the drawers or my closet. If it is for a special occasion, I can hang it in the closet in Peter’s room. If it is a size or two off, I will put it in storage with similar clothing. If it is unlikely I will ever wear it (like the tissue-paper-thin Old Navy tees), I will put it in a box which will go in the basement and will donate it to Goodwill along with other items that I don’t think I will wear again. 
3. Job-Acquisition Materials can be filed into the file-storage box I got at the supermarket today. Resumes of various ages, recommendations, college/university transcripts, copies of certifications, and even copies of old applications… all of it will go in that file box.
4. Student work will go in a second file box. I will have to be picky and I will have to be willing to throw things out.
5. Random papers will need to be sorted through. If they are craft-related, they’ll go with that stuff. If they instruct me in electronics, they will go in a file folder and be stored with electronics. If they are job-related, I will put them in a file-folder or a file-storage-bin. If they are records of purchases that are tax-related, I will put them downstairs with the tax prep stuff.
6. Toys, Manipulatives, and Electronics will be sorted. Electronics and small toys will go into the colorful set of drawers I have sitting in the kitchen and, if necessary, some cute colorful bins from Target. The clear drawers (which had held the various papers I’d just removed) will go downstairs into the rec room. Manipulatives that are in bins can be stacked downstairs by the drawers or go into the clear drawers. Our family games will also go downstairs into the rec room or living room (depending on Peter’s preferences), along with the games that we keep in Peter’s room.

STAGE 3: Preliminary Work-Space Set-Up

1. Education-related books will be rearranged to display ALL my math and education-reference books as well as any books that I’d make copies from. I will need another bookcase or some special bins in order to store it all. Curriculum, textbooks, and worksheets will have to go downstairs to the rec room along with most of the manipulatives.
2. Desk drawers and organization products will be completely reorganized, my set of little colored drawers will come up to help with organizing CDs, etc. so that the desk top is clear. I will bring my large laptop up and keep it there.

Stage 4: Comfort and Decor Set-up
Part of reclaiming the room is making it a haven to retreat to. This will be the funnest stage and will take the longest.

1. The armchair and ottoman will be clear of everything, except maybe a comfy throw or extra pillow, and ready to be sat in.
2. Novel bookcases will move from the guest room into my room, along the wall that once held the clothing-box and table, and I may add more high shelving so I can display all my snow globes and coaches. This will help make the guest room project easier.
3. Artwork will be displayed. Possibly the watercolor of Venice my parents gave me (they got it on their honeymoon, which I had stowed-away on as a fetus), if Peter doesn’t like it. Otherwise, my funny-bunny poster and/or a set of round mirrors of varying sizes that is currently selling for under $20 at Target.
4. Purses may be displayed vertically along one wall on special hooks, if I can find room and manage it, at least for my favorites. 

Steps 5+: Items From Elsewhere
I have stuff from my previous jobs that are in the kitchen and my car. I also will move the printer/fax/scanner down to the basement and bring the other electronics (which are currently in the living room) upstairs.

It sounds exhausting, but it’s doable with time and help with the heavy lifting. The first step will be hard, but if I don’t try to do any of Step 2 during that step, I’ll get through it in a day. The second step will take a while, but it is essential to making the room and my stuff useable and managable for the long run. I’m determined not to rush to Step 4 until I at least get through Steps 1 and 2, and I can think about it a little, but Steps 5+ will be so much easier if I do steps 2 and 3 thoroughly without jumping ahead.

UPDATE 2/3/10 @ 7:40pm: It looks like I’m going to have to leave Step 1 as it remains after the little sorting I did today and move to Step 2. If I get Part 1 (the craft supplies) and Part 2 (clothing) done tomorrow, I can clear off the table, move the clothing tub partially blocking the doorway, and remove the table from the room, so I have more room to work.

On Friday, I visited the school I’m currently on leave from, met with the principal, visited the math department, and met my new long-term-sub.

My principal is very understanding but told me that he felt he had to put me on the “First Year’s I Don’t Intend to Keep” list, due to my significant absences. However, he will keep me on this year as long as the sick leave bank pays for my being out (so I need to be reapproved every 20 school days, for up to 100) and  if I do return and perform exceptionally well, that may change. I was very happy he was that honest. Regardless, he also does not anticipate a part-time position being available next year, so I will probably be looking for another position internally and externally for next school year.

The principal also gave me “my” second semester schedule, which includes only 1 co-taught class and added a section of Personal Finance (which is extremely well planned-out, so I just have to make copies and deliver the material). Seeing my classroom, seeing coworkers, and meeting my newest long-term sub (the last sub got a full-time full-benefits position elsewhere so he started with the semester this past week). Since the chemistry teacher’s  back from maternity-leave, her sub was given to my classes and they seem to be in good hands.

The principal and my department head were both extremely clear about the one essential thing that decides my date of return, be it March 1st (half-way through 3rd quarter, with Spring Break at the end of the month as a nice breather) or mid-April (the start of 4th quarter): I must be able to have 100% attendance. Any short-cuts that can minimize my stress are okay, but I must grade things on-time, maintain communication with parents, follow-through, and have a strong classroom presence.

That gave me a lot to think about. Afterwards, rather than going to the gym as planned, I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Target and shopped for 4 hours. Then I finished cleaning the Laundry Room floor free of sticky detergent and carried in and down a 6-foot folding table, garbage can, and 3 laundry bins, successfully creating a useable and comfortable laundry center. Saturday, I was FAR less achy than expected.

After having slept 12 hours last night, I tested my auditory strength. In other words, I turned on the dishwasher and hung out in the living room. Unfortunately, despite all the sleep I had had and all the progress I had otherwise made, I still went into auditory overload in 20 minutes and went upstairs and turned on my iPod and lay in bed. Four hours later, I woke up to Peter calling to say he’d be home from his Magic prerelease event shortly. I still have a headache and am feeling like my ears hurt. After that, I’m losing hope that I can have the tools I need to return to teaching 30 social teenagers even by April.

Before I return, I’ll have to:

1. work on CBT to minimize auditory overloading (in addition to my other CBT goals),
2. put myself in positions in which I’ll have to cope with uncomfortable, changing sounds for long periods of time, and
3. spend a week or two transitioning in as a last-chance test.

I miss teaching so much it hurts, like an ulceration of my soul. I’m not even tutoring right now, which I did while I was working on curriculum in a cubicle last school year. I’m back to being a student in my dreams, now, and am having nightmares almost every time I sleep about can’t-remember-what-classes-I-have-when and behind-on-my-work. 

So I’m going to email my psychologist (and myself) my CBT goals for the next month-plus so I can return to teaching, which are:

• Be in touch with my body’s aches and pains
• Find a way to avoid channeling frustration/stress/anger into my body
• Purposefully tune out body pain and not transmit it into emotions
• Believe that, most of the time, my “Good Enough” is spectacular and perfection is to be avoided
• Minimize auditory overloading or desensitize myself in some way

I will also apply to internal openings, and get my resume together for external openings. The Sick-Leave-Bank application for the month of February is in the mail. In addition, I’m going to go to the gym at least 4 days this week.

This week, I’m also going to work on my room to the point that the floor can be walked on, the table can be removed, and the desk is clear. I will also be organizing/clearing the vanity in the master bathroom.

And, yes, I’ll still have time to rheuminate over how much I miss being an educator. I always do.

Well, there are three pains keeping me awake right now, yet again.

Number 3: I got my first cavities in my last teeth. In other words, my wisdom teeth are so far back in my mouth that it can be painful to brush them and I wound up with a cavity in two of them (upper right and lower left). I’ve never had a cavity before, so I’m scared, even though they say it’s no big deal and just small surface cavities… I know fillings crack, fall out, the tooth can rot behind the filling and it may need to be redrilled, and I know I’ll continue to have problems with my wisdom teeth because they’re tiny, craggy, and really really far back. But the dentist refuses to pull them as requested and instead is filling them. Ugh.

Number 2: Money. I just spent $5000 between my dentist, old bills from my hospitalization (they sent 12 bills for different days, but the same amount, as well as 8 additional bills and I misunderstood and only paid 1), and car insurance. Our master bath needs to be fixed. We need to keep eating and living in our home and doctors and meds keep costing money. I’m trying not to worry – money from my grandmother will cover that $5000 – but… well, I’m trying not to worry.

Number 1: Physical Pain. Yet again, I can’t sleep because I’m in too much pain. Heat is too overwhelming for the upper back and vicodin wore off. I think it’ll be 1 more vicodin and a few lidocaine patches so I can go back to sleep. Tomorrow, I may just stretch at home and get what sleep I can and wake at noon for my various appointments. I worry that I’ll have to clean up the guest room enough so that I can use it on days when it hurts to think that my motions are limited or I might get any physical pressure on any body part due to pillows, cats, or a stray, lovingly cuddly limb. <sigh>

This is really screwing with my attempts to achieve better sleep hygiene.

Luckily, I’m exhausted and nearly ready to apply that lidocaine, take a vicodin, and curl into bed with my hubby and kitties.

We have a tiny master bathroom with relatively old fixtures. Additionally, we’ll need to do a little patchwork or completely replace the bath tub before selling. In fact, we’re not even using that shower right now (which is a nice change, since it’s a little claustrophobic with a cloudy shower door.

Now, we’re not necessarily moving anytime soon. However, we don’t want to put wear and tear on another bathroom that we may eventually (after a year or two) discover we’ll have to make the same decision over. Plus, I keep leaving my towel in the other bathroom.

I spoke with my mortgage broker and we have 2 options when we refinance at a lower rate: we could refinance the entire mortgage and wind up paying a few hundred (2-4) less each month OR we could add $5000 to the principal and pay $100 less each month. Either way, we pay less. The $5000 would go toward landscaping the front for curb appeal and less maintenance AND redoing the shower-tub of the master bathroom.

I think we should actually redo the master bath. On average, a bathroom remodel brings in 100% of its cost and could get a home to sell faster. If we do it now, we can enjoy it too. Basically, nothing too fancy or expensive or taste-specific, no moving things around, just something nicer/less dated than what is there, which will make the room more appealing. What I propose is, since we’d have to tear out tile, why not make the room seem larger? We make it a large shower (no tub) with new, higher fixtures (but relatively inexpensive). If we put in some frameless sliding doors, it could look like part of the room rather than a giant wall. In addition, since we’ll need more tile and the white tile with brown flecks always looks dirty, we could put in ceramic or porcelain tile that looks like pale ivory marble. We can paint the walls a slightly darker tone than the cream we have (so a pale, warm brown) or maybe the cream color will make it flow more seamlessly. Otherwise, the flooring is fine, so no need to change that, but if money’s left over, maybe a new vanity or  vanity top or new sink faucet, and definitely spend a buck to put a new pull on the vanity door. It could be sooo nice to use while we still live here, and “updated master bath” is often a big eye-catcher, which could get us more traffic and a better sale.

Or we can use a whole lot of caulk and scrubbing and hope potential buyers will just be happy with it as it is.

If we stay here a year and a half, we may pay back some of that $5000, and we’ll still pay less than we already budget for. Once materials are in place, it should only take a couple of days, so it wouldn’t put us out much.

Then again, a few hundred less to pay a month could pay for caulk, patchwork, and landscaping. So it should be interesting to see what my husband decides (I’m putting the decision in his hands – he has 1 week).

January 23rd was our 6 year anniversary (1-23-04). We didn’t exchange gifts this year, or even cards. Instead, we spent time together and played nice. We indulged in a lunch at Red Robin (my favorite burger joint), played video games, watched TV, ate dinner at home, enjoyed some intimate time, and did our best not to bring up things that are unpleasant or could cause us to argue. So we didn’t clean the house at all, the cats didn’t get their much-needed baths, and I kept controvertial issues to myself.

I don’t know if this means we’ll argue tomorrow or are saving things for when we see our new couple’s counselor on Monday. There is certainly a lot to talk about: our potential move and its timing, Peter’s desire to change his vocation, organizing/fixing /cleaning the house, vacations, my fibromyalgia… I’m sure I could think of other things, but those are definitely the biggies. Despite the lack of discussion, though, I did talk twice to a mortgage broker about refinancing at a lower rate, with very favorable results.

At least it didn’t feel like we were ignoring the tap-dancing gorilla in the corner of the room. It was more like we were focusing on enjoying each other and just chilling out.

Hopefully, the rest of the year will go as smoothly and enjoyably and productively. Yes, a girl can always hope…