There’s something to be said for happiness inside a marriage. When two people are getting along and happy together, even if it’s a happy-you’re-happy and happy-we’re-getting-along and happy-because-we’re-not-thinking-about-tomorrow/next week/next year… well, it adds a general contentment to life. I may be anxious about the future and about the situations in the very-very-near-future, I know I have a partner and I know I can cope.

I have a plan of action (or, more specifically, homework) from my psychologist.

1. I need to keep a record of my stress/anger/frustration, its triggers, the response, and what I did that helped or hindered a pain response.
2. I’m going to do my best to cope with situations without holding tight until I snap or holding it in until I explode, but to actively communicate (verbally or nonverbally) my feelings when possible, assert my needs, exit overwhelming situations as needed, close down or reroute conversations that make me uncomfortable, and be less passive by initiating interactions with my siblings and telling my parents and siblings that I don’t want to be on a side or hearing any one half talking about the other.
3. I’m going to do more to initiate intimacy with my husband and get myself in the mood before initiation by not doing chores of any sort and doing something calming like reading (which might also get me in the mood by feeling romantic but is mostly there to help me get out unwanted feelings) before Peter gets home and for the rest of the evening. By “intimacy,” I don’t just mean sexual activity, but also just spending some relaxing time together.

That third part is more for when we’re at home, but it helps to keep it in mind, because I won’t be seeing my doctor again until Tuesday, January 5, and I’m hoping to have enough coping skills to return to work March 1 ::knock on wood::.