I promised my doctor that I would begin posting a journal entry every day, at least monitoring my wellness: depression, anxiety, pain, tiredness/energy, level of activity, and WW points consumed. So I will begin doing that as soon as possible. I’ve only just started looking for a good widget for WordPress.

Unfortunately, yesterday afternoon I was busy getting my interim grades in. They were makeshift, classwork-only grades, but that is all I could do in one night and all I am legally permitted to do as of this morning. With help from my husband, I was able to grade everything done with the subs (that had been collected) and thus grades were in and I went to bed before 1am.

So, the first weight off my mind is this: grades are in and I am not legally allowed to worry or dabble in work except, perhaps, to check my email.

What else is up? Well, Christmas is around the corner. Literally. So, on Saturday, I procrastinated grading by attacking Amazon.com, Overstock.com, and Novica.com to get gifts for: 2 parents, 2 parents-in-law, 2 brothers (+1 birthday), 2 sisters-in-law, 1 half-sister, 1 brother-in-law-in-law,  1 niece (+birthday), 2 nephews (+ 1 birthday), 1 close friend, 4 cats, 2 dogs, and 1 for the family gift exchange. I also stuck to only 4 presents (under $100 total) for my husband and kept everyone else under $20 per present.

So, the second weight off my mind is that I am done holiday gift-shopping.

The most important weight off my mind, however, is the most major concern I’d been having earlier: the d-word. After an awkward Saturday morning, I spoke with my husband and discovered he had no clue what he had actually said when we’d talked that fateful evening. He reassured me that yes, of course, he sometimes feels trapped. That’s natural. He still feels that we need couple’s counseling, but does not feel ready to discuss separation. We are both going to work hard to be a real couple and share each other’s lives. My getting a life, and having the energy to do things and be a helpmate rather than just a burden, will be a part of that. We even made love in the middle of the night last night, for the first time in waaaaay too long (well over a month) and I don’t plan for it to be the only time this week

So the third and final weight is that my husband and I are working on our marriage/partnership, rather than working on a separation.

Of course, out with the old, in with the new… Now that those weights left my shoulders, a few hovering birds have perched:

1. Finances and paperwork: it will take time, but I can help it out by slowly chipping away at it, doing what I can when I can, cutting out some costs and dipping into the money that has recently been regained in my nest egg. I’ll soon be cutting-out my cell’s data plan and my laptop wireless-anywhere connection and shopping at the supermarket regularly so we eat out far, far less.
2. Combatting depression: I’m going to have to set goals for each day and rules, such as only allowing myself 2 hrs of TV before 4pm. This will include a list of choices of recreational activities and a HUGE checklist of small tasks I can do with minimal pain, and forcing myself to do at least 1 task each day. Tomorrow, the task is to uncover and decorate the Christmas tree. I will also see my doctors regularly and remember to shower, dress, and take my AM meds as soon as I wake up.
3. Getting healthy: I will be using the WiiFit, other active Wii games, “Sit and Be Fit” DVD, or taking walks every single day – at least 30 minutes of activity in groups no smaller than 10 minutes. I will eat within my daily points allowance. I will chew gum or drink no-points, no-caffeine beverages when I feel an urge to nosh.

I’d like to set a routine for myself, but I don’t want to feel obligated to sleep more/less than I feel the need to on any particular day or set myself up for failure, so a list of tasks to check off and required activities seems to be the best bet.