After discussing the “Chuck” season 3 premiere, I’ve come to realize that my vision of my place in the world is drastically different from my mother’s. She lives in a fall-in-love-and-live-happily-ever-after world, where very little is of any importance outside family. I, as you read in the previous post, believe that God put us each on this Earth to make life just a little bit better. How we each interpret that and achieve it differs, but I believe that if the opportunity comes to make the lives of millions better, our personal desires get put on hold for the common good.

In high school, we joked about going to college for our MRS degrees. Just to put this in context, it was a girls’ school in Greenwich, CT. The joke was that, in many minds, regardless of how brilliant we each were, the point of the making-the-grade and getting-into-college warfare was to get into the best possible school so we could meet the highest caliber man with whom to fall in love. A degree and career of our own was secondary to this and really only a fall-back position for economy or, possibly, meeting a man in the workplace if you don’t snag one in college.

This sounds like something from the 50s or from the odd world that is Greenwich, CT. However, my grandmother taught my mother and myself that women were put on Earth to serve men. We must never make their lives uncomfortable, but should endeavor to meet their every need. She also believed that a woman’s status hinged on what man she was connected to: tall, dark, handsome, and well-connected. My mother rebelled, in a way; she chose a man with a mind superior to that of his peers, despite the fact that he was short, poorly-dressed, had 2 children, and less than gorgeous. However, she did conform to ideal expectations because she fell in love with and married a prime specimen (just not what her mother had considered prime) and has devoted herself to house and home, going on what I jokingly call “extended maternity leave” since giving birth to me over 29 years ago.

When I chose my college, I did it for the academic and social aspects that appealed to me, the ability of an individual to be seen by their professors and to do great things on campus, and because it just felt right. It wasn’t the best school I got into, but it was the best school for me. I didn’t go to college to get my MRS degree, but I did see men as potential spouses, and happily-ever-after (as any Disney Princess will tell you) is just a heartfelt sigh away. I met Peter and he was tall and handsome and perfect for me. He was hot and a sweetheart and remembered my name the day after we met. He was thoughtful and caring and honest. He was brilliant enough in his own right not to be intimidated or threatened by my own natural genius. He also loved to learn. He didn’t love school, but he loved learning. So, like my mother, I fell in love with a man’s brain, and his hot body was just a nice extra. His parents belong to a country club and have connections. However, they live modestly (with plenty of very fun extras, like international travel) and they live in Buffalo. Peter’s family, and Peter himself, aren’t NY or LA jet-setters, and they aren’t New England’s Old Money. But after going to high school in Greenwich, CT, despite my mother’s heartfelt dreams, I knew that that was not a world I wanted to be in. I wanted to be part of a family of down-to-Earth, intelligent, fun, genuine people.

My mother once warned me that my nebulous-future-husband will either have to make $200,000/yr or we’d have to make that much together, in order to live comfortably. We don’t even make $100k combined, but that hasn’t cramped our style.

The thing is, I love my husband so very much that he is a living, breathing part of me. We’ve been together for over a decade. However, I still feel the need to “save the world.” If, before we married, I was given the option of cutting all ties and running away with him or a way to make the world a better place that only I could do, well… I guess everyone has their own fairy tale.

Luckily (very, very, very luckily), I have the luxury of being able to love and be loved, and to eventually raise my own family, while still working to save my little piece of the world, even if it’s just one person at a time.