Today, I woke up feeling like I had been a sidekick character in an action movie. Everything hurt. As though I’d been running, dodging random rubble, ducking during explosions and gunfire, hiding in an odd crouched position, hanging from ledges 10 stories up…

How do you explain suddenly getting hit by pain one day but feeling only slightly achy but relatively fine the day before ?

How can you cope with needing more than 12 hours of sleep a day because those 12 hours are so interrupted and light?

How can you get anything done if you have a full-blown migraine 4-7 days a week?

How can you work to strengthen muscle if pushing just a little too far for that particular day means major setbacks?

How can you have a daily or weekly routine and plan things around this, or have anyone depend on you?

I want to be a tutor that can be relied upon, which means I’ll have to suck it up and push through a migraine for 2 hrs a day, and even 3 or 4 hrs some days.

I want to be a wife or relative you can count on, but I can’t promise to be able to do a necessary task “tomorrow” or be up to an outing or get-together on a set date.

But the more frustrated or stressed-out I get, worrying about being “up to” this or that, the worse I feel…

Basically, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.