EDITED: Since writing this, this thought was firmly removed from rotation and I no longer feel as strongly.

Late at night, I get thoughts that swirl around and around in my head. My psychiatrist said it could be AD(H)D rather than OCD, but I really think it’s boredom. I don’t get my thoughts out very often and there are very few things to think about, or be bothered by that I can’t make a list and just deal with slowly-but-surely.

However, there has been one very familially-socially-destructive set of thoughts that is firmly in the rotation: my relatively new, negative feelings toward my sister-in-law.

It could be because she’s extremely attractive and fit (she’s always been in that popular “beautiful-and-intelligent-enough-and-very-hardworking-jock” group, as opposed to the “non-preppy-overly-bright-too-honors-student-enjoying-dorky-things-too-much-to-be-popular-regardless-of-attractiveness” group that her brother and I were in). It could be because she’s going into what is my family’s Family Business. But, honestly, I overlooked and/or embraced those things long ago. It’s mostly because one of the very things that defines her character is the very thing that I cannot comprehend or accept because it is the antithesis of what I feel we are all put on this Earth for. (No, she doesn’t kill kittens.) She’s extremely self-absorbed, often to the exclusion of all others, including her sibling, unless their thoughts/feelings/opinions/actions directly affect her.