A lot has changed since the last post, and a lot has stayed the same.

Over the past five weeks, I have been working out with a Personal Trainer who has a lot of experience with helping people with fibromyalgia, or have other issues with chronic pain. I have more energy and strength, sleep more at night, and I have a visibly different shape. I’m also now seeing cheekbone shading, a more defined collar bone, and an omega-shaped ridge below my ribs that is the start of a 6-pack (not that I ever expect one). Unfortunately, my weight has stayed roughly the same (approx. 8 lbs lost) and measurements vary (for example, my butt is more toned, but is raised and rounded, which can raise my hip measurements)… so I’ve gotten a digital caliper and a scale that approximates body fat and water retention through electrical currents. That way, I can monitor improvement in other ways and hopefully not get into a funk.

I started out doing teeny little exercises designed for arthritic nonagenarians, including sitting on a stability ball and 15 minutes on a recumbent elliptical machine on least resistance, but each time we met we ramped it up. Two weeks ago, we hesitantly tried 8 reps on each of a few arm machines. Now, I warm up with 30 minutes on the recumbent elliptical at 150% the original pace. Then, I do a circuit of nautilus-style machines for arms and legs, 2 sets of 12 reps each, with the first set on a new, higher weight and the second set using only (just over) half the weight to stretch the muscle.  Finally is ball work, both using a stability ball and a 4-lb medicine ball to do crazy stuff like putting my legs on the stability ball (to up the effort) and making a “bridge” with my back, raising myself 10 times from just barely touching the floor, then 10 from half-way, then squeezing my tush 10 times, then removing the ball to make it a standard bridge so I can move my knees apart and back together 10 times. Another favorite, since it works my triceps, neck, and abs, is when I hold the medicine ball above my chest with both hands, and then bring it backwards, behind my head, all while I keep my belly button in and have my legs atop the stability ball (again, to increase the effort and effectiveness). To target the lower abs, I dig into the stability ball with my heels and bring my hips up and knees all the way to my chest, in two sets of 12. Finally, we do some seated stuff on the ball, using the medicine ball to do bicep curls and rotate my torso to target my obliques, and maybe even toss a medicine ball back and forth for a funner version of oblique work, and finally try balancing on the Bosu.

For the past 2½ weeks, I’ve been on the 5-day diet, but I’m switching back to the 7-day diet so that I can continue to lose weight. I think I’ll stay on it through the summer, with the occasional meal “off” (perhaps 1 dinner/week and 1 breakfast+lunch/week) that will allow me to share more with my husband, while I slowly push back my meal schedule or allow me to nix a meal that doesn’t look right or just doesn’t appeal. I need the structure to help me continue to lose weight. But my relationship with food has certainly changed. I’m no longer in search of food when I’m in pain or upset, and I no longer fantasize about meals. I just see it as fuel… the input of my daily biological function… with the rare difference being that I “munch” on grapes and sometimes sweets call to me, although last night was the first time I gave in over the past 8 weeks, and that was only after calculating the amount of energy I’d used and the amount I’d ingested. But I really really want to get closer to a “normal” weight. In a perfect world, 40 lbs more. Ideally, 25 lbs more. But I’ll accept at least doubling the weight loss I’ve had over the past 2 months.

Aside from the physical changes, I’ve also been much more social. I joined a local Catholic church that has an extremely large congregation (1,500 families or so) and have signed up for information on joining various small groups (of which there are many) that do good works, study the bible, or organize events. My husband and I have also socialized together with couples whose male counterparts play Magic with him. First, we ate lunch out, saw Toy Story 3 in IMAX 3D, and then went out to dinner at a Filipino restaurant with a slowly growing group. The following weekend, his friend had a belated housewarming party, and I met an entirely new group of people… although I didn’t feel all that comfortable and had a bad headache (mini-migraine), we stayed for 4 hours. Yesterday, both groups combined (plus many, many more), for a 40th-birthday-bash / Independence Day celebration. We were there for over 7 hours and I had a great deal of fun, meeting many people and getting to know others better. I am very hopeful for a more social future for both myself and my husband, together and separately, which is awesome.

Finally, I am getting more and more people becoming fans of the Facebook page for my tutoring business and I got very serious interest from a mother of a student with a disability who was going to homeschool him and needed a math teacher (5 hours per week!). Even if she does not choose to go with me, I have hope that I will get enough students to get by. I just need to get through the summer, focusing on wellness, family, friends, preparation, and hobbies.

Approximately four weeks have passed since my last post and so very much is milling around my mind to write about that I am writing this post just to recognize all that I will talk about when I can:

• The bathroom is finished. Finally. It’s beautiful and not completely moved into yet, but being fully used. It was completed Friday night, at 11pm on the 23rd, and we began to use it Sunday evening. I will be fully accustomed to it after everything has been put away for a while… so, in a month or so.

  

  

  

  
  

  

  

  

  
  

  

  

  
  
• The front of our home is no longer a jungle. Perhaps over-pruned, but I can plant at my leisure. It was a gift from my mom.
• L.A. was wonderful. We had really needed to get away from life and enjoy ourselves. I enjoyed connecting with my brother and even got to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him and find out just how very much we both have in common (poor guy). It was also wonderful getting to know Grandma Susie better and meeting Grandpa Bernie and their dog, Patsy, for the first time. Since Grandpa Bernie is extremely hard-of-hearing and is not connected to the internet, I have purchased stationery so that I can correspond with him by letter writing. Seeing my in-laws was also nice, although some comments from my husband’s sister went beyond her usual unthinkingly-self-involved zings into personally-cruel territory and I was very proud of myself for neither physically nor verbally attacking her (or even commenting on it to her). The call-her-on-it-and-get-into-a-hysterical-argument gene comes from both sides of my family on X chromosomes (and appears to only get diluted if a Y chromosome is present), as my little brother pointed out, which made me feel even prouder. Someone must have made her more aware of her need to be a little more sensitive, because she didn’t say anything rude at me after that. Overall, it was a wonderful place to visit, and I wish we could fold the globe into the 4th dimension so I could visit my adoptive grandparents and my baby brother far more often, but I would not want to live in a plastic, prop-filled world.
• I’m trying to get my business of the ground. The website is live and it has a facebook page. I have people saying they will send business my way (including the admissions director of a private school for LD students, a parent of two former students, another parent of a summer student, and the head of a local psych group). I have a now-clean rec room with attached powder room that now has matching “powder room” and “laundry room” signs so those doors can stay closed, a soon-to-be-assembled book shelf and computer desk, a printer stand/filing cabinet, a printer/copier/scanner, a soon-to-be-hooked-up computer and soon-to-be-delivered comfy waiting area furniture. A table upstairs will be brought down for tutoring purposes. The kitchen floor is now clear of boxes and junk and soon the surfaces will be too, so that I can advertise to neighbors a low-cost 3pm-5pm homework help time (to drum up business and make nice with them).
• I’m doing eDiets home-delivery to get rid of a chunk of weight. They guarantee 10 lbs in 5 weeks. In addition, I’ve joined the local gyms and pools, which was a package deal that also gives me more access to community events and activities (to shmooze and make friends). Just spending the past week preparing for the diet has had me lose 1.2 lbs.
• I want a dog. Peter does not. The best reason he has is that my health may one day improve greatly, making FT work possible, which is not conducive to dog-ownership. However, I know a dog would get me walking several times a day, every day, and we could get well or be ill together… I am hoping to foster a senior/adult dachshund. Peter thinks bringing anyone new into the household would be hard on the cats. But me being alone all day and dependent on Peter for amusement (as well as every project that I do, which all seem to involve heavy lifting to some degree) is hard on everyone. Also, doing obedience or agility or just a dog park with the dog would be another way to meet people. Since the summer is a slow time for tutors AND I’m limiting myself to 2 hrs/day of work, and I need an interactive project to keep me from obsessing over buying stuff or food or whatever else I could possibly obsess about, and I’m so incredibly lonely, I think this is the perfect solution.  So, I’m filling out long online paperwork, hoping a good match is out there and that Peter will give in if the house is clean enough and he’s getting enough of what he wants. We’ll talk about it seriously during our couple’s-counseling session Monday (along with the fact that we BOTH HATE that I am so dependent on him to do things that will enable my projects, so I don’t push, but it hurts me when he shows such disinterest in helping with getting my business started or clearing out communal space when I’ve already put a lot of work into it, but he needs some down time and relaxation time because he does work a 40-hr week, which is also why I am okay with him spending so very much time out of the house playing Magic: The Gathering with his friends, even though I am desperate for attention), and he’ll see this sometime before then so it won’t blind-side him.

So, that’s about it. A lot going on, all in a tiny span of time and all making laps around the inside of my tiny, youth-hat-sized skull.

Apparently, fibromyalgia and gluten sensitivity have a lot of similar features, according to Deirdre Rawlings, writing for FOODS FOR FIBROMYALGIA.

Physical symptoms associated with gluten intolerance and celiac disease include the following:

• Abdominal cramping / bloating
• Abdominal distention
• Appetite increased (to the point of craving)
• Back pain
• Constipation
• Dehydration
• Decreased ability to clot blood
• Diarrhea
• Dry skin
• Edema
• Electrolyte depletion
• Energy loss
• Fatigue
• Gas / flatulence
• Mouth sores or cracks in the corners
• Muscle cramping (especially in the hands and legs)
• Night blindness
• Weakness and lethargy

Emotional states associated with gluten intolerance and celiac disease are:

• Brain fog
• Depression
• Difficulty concentrating
• Disinterested in normal activities
• Irritable
• Mood changes

How many of these sound like a person with fibromyalgia, depression, mild anxiety, and irritable bowel? Exactly. How about if I just list the symptoms I don’t have?

• _____?

Yeah, I’ve got it all. And my weekend (Friday-Sunday) was very, very gluten rich and surprisingly increasingly painful. So I might have a sensitivity, if not an allergy (I also sometimes break out in unexplained rashes, which I currently have), and I ought to ask my doctor to do tests to determine whether this is possible. Until then, I should eat a low-carb diet.

But gluten is sooooo yummy. My favorite foods are ice cream, bread, chocolate, and pasta.

So I could change my diet and possibly turn everything around (and also lose a lot of weight without my favorite foods to tempt me) but lose the comfort of those favorite foods except on rare occasion.

Or I could go on as if this weren’t a possibility.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I made an appointment for next Wednesday (3/10) with my rheumatologist and I will definitely be bringing this up.

Luckily, my “adoptive” grandmother (my husband’s maternal grandmother)’s husband has gluten intolerance and he eats a gluten-free diet, so she could have some great suggestions, and there are many cookbooks and diet books out there.

I don’t know what I’m hoping for. Maybe a notable sensitivity in tests, but not a complete intolerance, giving me the the ability to indulge in very small amounts and leading to a breakthrough turnaround that changes my life. Yeah, that would rock.